Lesson 2

The scene...

It's a blustery but sunny afternoon and we are riding along the old railway on our bikes. William has been instructed NOT to suddenly stop or swerve infront of me again!!... My bruises from last week are now yellowing in colour and looking very attractive!

The conversation...

"... Muuum, I suppose you want to know about the PHSE lesson this week? ..."

Well - how did he know that??? Was i too interested last week??

"... we did bras... and stuff..." 

"What sort of 'stuff' William?"  - God, what the hell is 'stuff'?

"Oh, you know - stuff like cordons..."

?!?!?!?!?! cordons?? "... I think you mean condoms?"

"Oh yeah, condoms" 

So I'm thinking - what the hell do i remember about those? ... Only one of my most embarrassing moments on a hen night ...

... i had driven 5 glammed up girls into Leeds in my car and we had spent the entire journey blowing condoms up to tie round a huge black dick we had acquired for the bride. They had enthusiastically used a whole month supply and scattered the wrappers all over my back seats.

... the following day i dropped my car off for service.

... and when i went back to pick it up, the mechanics were all staring at me! ....As I got into the drivers seat i noticed - to my absolute horror - a neat pyramid of empty condom wrappers on my passenger seat.

I never went back 

"Uncle Richard told me about cordons" 

Jeeze - now i remember extremely vividly uncle Richard when he was Williams age ... with the 'bone in his willy' !! 

I really, really didn't want to know what uncle Richard had said so swerved around to bras ...

"What did you discover about bras Will?" - he starts sniggering

"There was one we could touch..." Mmmmm! "... on the table"

"Eddy said that it's not much fun without anything in!"

 

Okay - good old Eddy! - he has got a point

"Muuum, did the boys used to play with your boobs?"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Erm ... no!" - OMG -  "but they did twang the back of my bra sometimes"

He's quiet for a moment.

"How's your foreskin Will?" I politely ask ...

"Oh fine" - very serious

We have emerged from the trees and are going uphill in the sunshine. 

Peddling faster to keep up with him I get a fly under my shades and am blinded for a minute.

"Muuum, in puberty, do you go blind?"

(...only if you wank your head off day and night! - so thats a "yes" then haha)

"No darling, why on earth do you ask that?"

"Oh - just asking" 

He concentrates for a while as we descend a steep slope and bank around a corner...

There is a frown on his innocent childs face "Will i get spots and grow hair on my chest?"

"I don't know if you'll get spots but you'll definitely get more hair in certain places"

"Muuum ...it's all very confusing. "

Boy, he's not wrong there!!!

... until next time x